还没能放下..

在白天下仰望天空，在夜里躲藏在黑暗里.. 这不是真正的幸福，也已夺走了我的灿烂..但我会尽力,拼命守住最后垂危的火苗..

煎熬

Locking out..

I possessed a dream that developed from the strumming cords transmitted from the heart and drawing an impression in the mind.. A hope..

It will be elaborated yet simple.
Our eyes burn with harmonized passion when met. Our heartbeats in tune with symphony. Your smile will be my drive, my joy will be your accomplishment. There will be no hurdles too high for us to jump with our hands entwined. You will be my shoulder to lean on, I will be your pillar of strength.
We'll rise in the morning with a sweet turn around smiling greeting of good morning, Brunch over the weekends, romance under the setting sun.

I will enjoy your music, your interests, your lifestyle. You will love my interest and focus on you, and willingly appreciate what you have found in me.

I plant a kiss on your cheek, and bid you goodbye my dream.. I need to lock out the vibes from entering into my heart.. Until the day where determination meets with an adamant force that comes knocking down the barriers I've set as defense from half-hearted intruders.

Feeling Trapped

Not being able to Love out Loud must be one of the most suffocating feeling.

I really should not keep walking the same path. Maybe it's really time for separate ways (Journey)

Journey- separate ways

Here we stand
Worlds apart
Hearts broken in two, two, two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you, you, you

Feelin' that it's gone
Can't change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide
Love divides

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways

Troubled times
Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain
In vain, vain

If you must go
I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways

[Instrumental Interlude]

Oooooooooh
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you

I still love you, girl
I really love you, girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
Nooooooooo
Nooooooooo

People closest hurts the deepest

越亲的人爱的更深伤的更深

Feather Scribble of freedom.. Getting inked

I've always dreamed of having a tattoo at my ankle..
After getting the Wing on my back done in Phuket, it's now time for me to continue my fight and flight for freedom with this customized tattoo by Jen from Visual Orgasm.

The Wing Tattoo on my back is a symbol of my fight for freedom.. Wanting and trying to break free even if it's hard.. That's why it's a 1 wing tattoo.

This time round, I'm really to let go even more and I think it's about time that I want to settle my heart on letting go of people that left/leaving me,as well as venture further and continue living life pursue, not giving up hope..

So here goes..
The feather has a symbolic meaning. The feather is light and flighty in nature and hence, symbolizes freedom and enlightenment. It is also a simile for love, happiness and dreams.
The word freedom on my feet also represents who I am. 自由脚步 (freedom)(footprints) is used describe a free traveller.

想要的幸福

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y34aUJZdSXA&sns=em


杨丞琳-想幸福的人歌词

心里的乌云 眼角的秘密
来不及燃烧的感觉 被留言给吹熄
转身回到孤寂
生活的丛林 坚强的游戏
在白天掏空了勇气 在黑夜顺不平
不懂错在哪里
我不过是一个很想幸福的人
为什么遇不到会生根的缘分
学着戒掉悲观 负我的都不恨
让心灵完整 美丽动人 还是一个人
生活的丛林 坚强的游戏
在白天掏空了勇气 在黑夜顺不平
不懂错在哪里
寂寞的当一个很想幸福的人
等待着一颗心接受我的坦诚
懂得爱甜蜜中有苦涩的成分
会和我争论 爱却不磨损
没有不信任
我想相信当一个很幸福的人
也必须是能够让人幸福的人
我不怕去付出 也肯承担责任
满满的诚恳 温柔的迷人
谁是那个人 能让我沸腾
想幸福的人

A gift from the heart with thoughts of wishing u joy

I'll hand you a flower, just simply because my heart wants to..
No conditions. No complications.
Smell it and be reminded of the beauty that life has to offer.. Let it bring a glimpse of hope and smile to you...

Aging..

Days.. Months.. Years..
What scares me about aging are the increase skepticisms, Obligations and practicality..

Experiences, especially the bad ones, makes me more and more skeptical.. One after another.. It made me strong too.. But maybe.. Too strong that I no longer have any hopes/reliance on anyone aside from myself..

The point of life where I lost track of birthdays, weddings and meet ups.. Or rather, I can't catch up on them anymore..

The stage where time and money are essentials which I think about everyday that things become practical..

Clown.. Kryptonite has fallen on me

There's too much in my mind.. perhaps, just too much.
I wear a mask on the surface, a clown mask, all Happy, Smiley, Joker.
But beneath the mask, it is a deep world of dissapointments, anger, despair, desperation.
I wanna scream, I wanna shout, I wanna cry out loud, but the mask on the surface holds these emotions in.
The mask is labelled "Strong, Independent, positive"The contained pull and struggle between the surface and the benath makes me old.. I am tired.. but more than the physical weariness is the emotional.
Every experience wipes away sunshine from me and cracks my mask abit.
Today.. my mask is broken. I am not wearing a smile. Or even if I am wearing a smile, the darkness beneath is clearly evident.

I posted "Kryptonite has fallen on me"

Kryptonite is the only substance that can weaken Superman.
I have always tried to be a superhero, forever strong, supporting people around me etc. but Kryptonite has fallen upon me and I am now weakened. Or least to say, unable to fight this "natural element".

I am always around and holding backs because I am afraid of crying alone, facing all four walls, afraid of asking.. So, I do not want to let you all face the same phobia.

All I wanted was a thank you

Sometimes there's just so much frustrations to treat people good and have them stab you right in ur face that it gets so disheartening and I'm losing the battle day by dy..
I am losing sight on the point of treating people with all my heart and sincerity..

No wonder they say it's easier to be the devil than the saint.

Mom, all I needed from you was a thank you and acknowledgement of my filial piety. Not reproach and comparison. You really make it so hard and render all efforts by us futile..
Can't u see how hard it is for us to be nice to you for the deep history you etched in our lives?
Yet.. U blew my chance to u..

Not being emotional. Just a random feel to create the random thought as poem

I'll hold you so u don't fall.. Kiss you good morning and good night everyday.. Surprise you, love you, wipe ur tears. Never let you go hungry and just halt, never leave you angry if it's my fault..
Make you see how beautiful and hopeful life can be..
Bring you an umbrella or get drenched with u in the rain..

The alarm startled and awoke me.. It is only a dream because you walked away from my thoughts and went your way..

That's perhaps you didn't believe and you didn't dare. What I had pictured in my hearts seems more dreamy than real.

Are you skeptical? Or am I juz hoping?

可能在你眼睛是太多的也许,如果.
可能在我心里是太多的为何,或者.

25岁的我

25岁的我.. 有理想,有梦想.. 拥有过,失去过..

对人与事,有希望,可不敢渴望..

会热情,可是也会冷淡..

想要用努力换来一切- 外表,性格,事业,财政,智慧,人缘,可是往往踏在现实与幻想之间..

不知生命下篇章会怎么写.. 就让时间把那些生活的一点一滴, 一笔一画的刻上吧..

想让你知道的话

我不望想你和我一样,因为我知道,到了最后我跟你的角色不同..

当我失眠时你可能在熟睡..

当我在想念你时你可能在恨我..

当我觉得你无可取代时,你可能觉得我只是在你生命中路过的旁人..

当我想念过去时, 我却必须走向未来..

就怪我吧.. 怪我没能遵守和你的那份约定.. 没能和你走到最后..

对不起, 我以用尽了我能给你的一切,而只省无耐..

希望你能找到你渴望的幸福..

Girl with the Winged Tattoo

U're like the tattoo on me that can't be erased..
U're like the history of me that should just stay as past..
U're like the 1 book that I have read over and over again and memorized every word in any chapter..
U were my everything, and now you're nothing to me..
U're what made me cold, but it was from your coldness that I have became as such..
I used to greet you hello, but all now, all I want is to bid you goodbye..
Thank u, but now, its all too late...

Sunrise to Sunset

Where does my heart beat now?

Inspired and formed from the songs that are closest to my heart

======================

Bossanova, Jazz, spells of

Love, Passion and Sweet serenade.

But where does my heart beat now?

Is the heart aching? Yearning? Or simply dead?

Left breathless, helpless and hopeless.

Smiling like the sun but hiding under the moon.

Do you hear the heartbeat? Or are you simply listening to what sounds sweet tunes uttered to your ears?

When tears are not worth shedding but can’t stop shielding.

When liquor is used as a long term application to mask the wound, it no longer numbs.

Listless when awake, but when its time to sleep, being awake continues on the listlessness.

“Nothing’s gonna change my love for you”, is it a legacy or just a history?

The moon river that watches me, does it comforts me or amplifies the stillness?

Forever love. Is this term coupled with a promise?

Is it worth to hold on? Is it worth letting go?

Ocean deep.. Only Heaven Knows..

Dust in the wind

Dust..
Letting it go, in the wind...
Dust..
a grey area...
Dust...
My sincere thought pass through it..
Dust...
The very word which you uttered in our conversation...
Dust...
Comes strong and goes strong like a sneeze..
Dust..
You blurred my vision..
Dust...
U are not meant to be kept..
Dust..
I gotta sweep you away from my thoughts...

sneak peak at the works of a sudden inspired writer

I had a sudden urge of being a writer (for leisure) and came up with a short story..
Here's part of it...
========================
introduction:
They were engulfed in passion and love. With eyes that sparked with chemistry and desire but yet filled with jealously and pain

Love, so strong, yet so dangerous like playing with fire.

This is the sort of love that Jane and Travis had for each other. Passionate love. Uncontrollable love.


chapter title: The Argument
She called. They spoke. He started questioning her with distrust that arose from jealousy. She rebutted. He retorted in disbelief. She wept in condemnation that had no justification. Screams were heard through the phone, amplified in the room, and echoed through the apartments. He continued attacking with a debate as an armor to cover over the open wound in his heart. Such strong defense was put up that no amount of answers could be used as a seal to the wound. They carried on with a fight that could never be won and that leads to a casualty on both sides. Tears were drawn. Hurt was inflicted. Until the battle ceased with exhaustion that had drained the last words from their mouths.

I finally had the chance and time to sit down infront of my com, sip on some liqueur and listen to class 95fm love songs to chill.
maybe I've been avoiding such moments as to evade being engrossed in the atmosphere and having thoughts and gloom creep on me.
I've been having sleepless nights. Insomnia co-inhabits with me, My head has been in whirls.
tonight is yet another episode of such. The only blessing that could even come out from this unwelcoming state is, not having to think of work for the next 2 days and not having to wake up early.
Tonight, I have all my rights to suffer from insomnia.

from yesterday night to tonight, silence has sealed the chatterbox.
I do not feel like talking. I felt like being alone for the moment.
Humans are so filled with deep incomprehensible thoughts; some of which does not even make sense.
I guess I'm human. I admit I'm normal and worse off, I belong to the female gender who thinks beyond the outer space.
I felt important, special. yet misplaced and shortchanged at times. Maybe it is the inconsistency of the different placings that makes it harder to accept or for me to adapt in time.
I dunno what to say. So I chose to be silent today.
I hope this is pass soon..

kaleidoscope

Looking through a kaleidoscope...

Twinkling, sparkling, glittering, bedazzling.
Mystical is the word that spells across your mind.
In awe is the feeling the dashes across your heart.
The blending colors and the ever-changing shapes bring one away from the harsh square world into a moment of free space.

A kid yearns for a kaleidoscope to water their thirsting quest on a foreign land of possibilities.

An adult hungers for a kaleidoscope to feed their famished lost hopes.

The science behind it is an invention. The art of crafting it is simple. The thought behind it is delicate.

The joy it brings is boundless.

As I am typing this, I am being brought back to time when I was still a child and how I would always pull my dad’s hand into a games store with a few rows of kaleidoscope being placed on the rack and popping my eye into the tiny hole and bewildering at this mystifying object.

And even as an adult now, my feet tends to take a step back when I walk past a gifts store and peer in to take a glance on whether I could discover this mystical object. On the rare occasions which I manage to find a few rolls of kaleidoscope tucked in a box on shelve, I would not be afraid to tilt my eye to peer into the land of mystery and reviving my hopes even if it is for mere seconds.

Missing Amber..

I slog my guts under the white florescent lights,
but whenever i step out of office into the darkness of night,
there you are..
Waiting for my arrival at the bus-stop.
It is mutual..
U accompanied me through the bus frequency,
while I let a bus or 2 pass by so as to have more time with U..
But now, U r gone...
The cruelty of humans who dislikes Dogs have called for NEA to bring U away..
now I sit here at the bus-stop alone...
My heart turned cold on the thoughts of wad had happen/is happening to U..
My Dear Amber..

creation of song lyric inspired by Gold 90fm

flickering flames..
haunting memories..
sitting alone by the fireplace..

IT started to slide down the corner of my eyes,
and than it started to stream down without control;
these tears of mine..

IT started to build up..
came from my heart, echoed within my body,
and screamed into the vacuum surrounding;
these cries of mine..

No one hears it..
No one sees it..
No one loves it..
And I hate it..
These Desperate feelings of mine..

Flashing thoughts, maimed heart, muted love.
These Desperation of mine..

You see the smiles and the glow of laughter on my face,
because I hid those frowns and the hovering shadow.
woo oh ohh ohhhh..

You don't hear it..
You don't face it..
You don't know it..
And I hate it..
These Desperate feelings of mine..

I want to be numb from these numbing feelings that is conquering me..
Ironic it seems, Is it sunny or raining?

No, I don't know..
No, I don't wish to face it..
No, I don't wanna to stay awake
But.. I have to face it..
These Desperate feelings of mine..

A painting

splash of colors;
exciting. tempting. hard to resist.
Black and white;
despair, loneliness, blank

but how do you describe a life that is both?
I would use a picture to describe it.


this is how the picture would look like:
a river that is dyed in paints from a painter washing his painting brushes at the tip of the river and runs horizontally across the painting canvas.

above the river stands a house and its background which is brushed in various shades of grey. The grass on this side stood motionless and lifeless.

the grass on the opposite side of the river flashes green and sways freely with the movement of the wind.


This is the feeling.
when there s a clear divider that shows the drastic difference and the rightful choice of which side is better, but one can't help drawing its attention on the house that is shaded in monotone and tries to depict the reason behind it.