Aging..

Days.. Months.. Years..
What scares me about aging are the increase skepticisms, Obligations and practicality..

Experiences, especially the bad ones, makes me more and more skeptical.. One after another.. It made me strong too.. But maybe.. Too strong that I no longer have any hopes/reliance on anyone aside from myself..

The point of life where I lost track of birthdays, weddings and meet ups.. Or rather, I can't catch up on them anymore..

The stage where time and money are essentials which I think about everyday that things become practical..

Clown.. Kryptonite has fallen on me

There's too much in my mind.. perhaps, just too much.
I wear a mask on the surface, a clown mask, all Happy, Smiley, Joker.
But beneath the mask, it is a deep world of dissapointments, anger, despair, desperation.
I wanna scream, I wanna shout, I wanna cry out loud, but the mask on the surface holds these emotions in.
The mask is labelled "Strong, Independent, positive"The contained pull and struggle between the surface and the benath makes me old.. I am tired.. but more than the physical weariness is the emotional.
Every experience wipes away sunshine from me and cracks my mask abit.
Today.. my mask is broken. I am not wearing a smile. Or even if I am wearing a smile, the darkness beneath is clearly evident.

I posted "Kryptonite has fallen on me"

Kryptonite is the only substance that can weaken Superman.
I have always tried to be a superhero, forever strong, supporting people around me etc. but Kryptonite has fallen upon me and I am now weakened. Or least to say, unable to fight this "natural element".

I am always around and holding backs because I am afraid of crying alone, facing all four walls, afraid of asking.. So, I do not want to let you all face the same phobia.

All I wanted was a thank you

Sometimes there's just so much frustrations to treat people good and have them stab you right in ur face that it gets so disheartening and I'm losing the battle day by dy..
I am losing sight on the point of treating people with all my heart and sincerity..

No wonder they say it's easier to be the devil than the saint.

Mom, all I needed from you was a thank you and acknowledgement of my filial piety. Not reproach and comparison. You really make it so hard and render all efforts by us futile..
Can't u see how hard it is for us to be nice to you for the deep history you etched in our lives?
Yet.. U blew my chance to u..

Not being emotional. Just a random feel to create the random thought as poem

I'll hold you so u don't fall.. Kiss you good morning and good night everyday.. Surprise you, love you, wipe ur tears. Never let you go hungry and just halt, never leave you angry if it's my fault..
Make you see how beautiful and hopeful life can be..
Bring you an umbrella or get drenched with u in the rain..

The alarm startled and awoke me.. It is only a dream because you walked away from my thoughts and went your way..

That's perhaps you didn't believe and you didn't dare. What I had pictured in my hearts seems more dreamy than real.

Are you skeptical? Or am I juz hoping?

可能在你眼睛是太多的也许,如果.
可能在我心里是太多的为何,或者.

25岁的我

25岁的我.. 有理想,有梦想.. 拥有过,失去过..

对人与事,有希望,可不敢渴望..

会热情,可是也会冷淡..

想要用努力换来一切- 外表,性格,事业,财政,智慧,人缘,可是往往踏在现实与幻想之间..

不知生命下篇章会怎么写.. 就让时间把那些生活的一点一滴, 一笔一画的刻上吧..

想让你知道的话

我不望想你和我一样,因为我知道,到了最后我跟你的角色不同..

当我失眠时你可能在熟睡..

当我在想念你时你可能在恨我..

当我觉得你无可取代时,你可能觉得我只是在你生命中路过的旁人..

当我想念过去时, 我却必须走向未来..

就怪我吧.. 怪我没能遵守和你的那份约定.. 没能和你走到最后..

对不起, 我以用尽了我能给你的一切,而只省无耐..

希望你能找到你渴望的幸福..

Girl with the Winged Tattoo

U're like the tattoo on me that can't be erased..
U're like the history of me that should just stay as past..
U're like the 1 book that I have read over and over again and memorized every word in any chapter..
U were my everything, and now you're nothing to me..
U're what made me cold, but it was from your coldness that I have became as such..
I used to greet you hello, but all now, all I want is to bid you goodbye..
Thank u, but now, its all too late...