A gift from the heart with thoughts of wishing u joy

I'll hand you a flower, just simply because my heart wants to..
No conditions. No complications.
Smell it and be reminded of the beauty that life has to offer.. Let it bring a glimpse of hope and smile to you...

Aging..

Days.. Months.. Years..
What scares me about aging are the increase skepticisms, Obligations and practicality..

Experiences, especially the bad ones, makes me more and more skeptical.. One after another.. It made me strong too.. But maybe.. Too strong that I no longer have any hopes/reliance on anyone aside from myself..

The point of life where I lost track of birthdays, weddings and meet ups.. Or rather, I can't catch up on them anymore..

The stage where time and money are essentials which I think about everyday that things become practical..

Clown.. Kryptonite has fallen on me

There's too much in my mind.. perhaps, just too much.
I wear a mask on the surface, a clown mask, all Happy, Smiley, Joker.
But beneath the mask, it is a deep world of dissapointments, anger, despair, desperation.
I wanna scream, I wanna shout, I wanna cry out loud, but the mask on the surface holds these emotions in.
The mask is labelled "Strong, Independent, positive"The contained pull and struggle between the surface and the benath makes me old.. I am tired.. but more than the physical weariness is the emotional.
Every experience wipes away sunshine from me and cracks my mask abit.
Today.. my mask is broken. I am not wearing a smile. Or even if I am wearing a smile, the darkness beneath is clearly evident.

I posted "Kryptonite has fallen on me"

Kryptonite is the only substance that can weaken Superman.
I have always tried to be a superhero, forever strong, supporting people around me etc. but Kryptonite has fallen upon me and I am now weakened. Or least to say, unable to fight this "natural element".

I am always around and holding backs because I am afraid of crying alone, facing all four walls, afraid of asking.. So, I do not want to let you all face the same phobia.

All I wanted was a thank you

Sometimes there's just so much frustrations to treat people good and have them stab you right in ur face that it gets so disheartening and I'm losing the battle day by dy..
I am losing sight on the point of treating people with all my heart and sincerity..

No wonder they say it's easier to be the devil than the saint.

Mom, all I needed from you was a thank you and acknowledgement of my filial piety. Not reproach and comparison. You really make it so hard and render all efforts by us futile..
Can't u see how hard it is for us to be nice to you for the deep history you etched in our lives?
Yet.. U blew my chance to u..

Not being emotional. Just a random feel to create the random thought as poem

I'll hold you so u don't fall.. Kiss you good morning and good night everyday.. Surprise you, love you, wipe ur tears. Never let you go hungry and just halt, never leave you angry if it's my fault..
Make you see how beautiful and hopeful life can be..
Bring you an umbrella or get drenched with u in the rain..

The alarm startled and awoke me.. It is only a dream because you walked away from my thoughts and went your way..

That's perhaps you didn't believe and you didn't dare. What I had pictured in my hearts seems more dreamy than real.

Are you skeptical? Or am I juz hoping?

可能在你眼睛是太多的也许,如果.
可能在我心里是太多的为何,或者.

25岁的我

25岁的我.. 有理想,有梦想.. 拥有过,失去过..

对人与事,有希望,可不敢渴望..

会热情,可是也会冷淡..

想要用努力换来一切- 外表,性格,事业,财政,智慧,人缘,可是往往踏在现实与幻想之间..

不知生命下篇章会怎么写.. 就让时间把那些生活的一点一滴, 一笔一画的刻上吧..

想让你知道的话

我不望想你和我一样,因为我知道,到了最后我跟你的角色不同..

当我失眠时你可能在熟睡..

当我在想念你时你可能在恨我..

当我觉得你无可取代时,你可能觉得我只是在你生命中路过的旁人..

当我想念过去时, 我却必须走向未来..

就怪我吧.. 怪我没能遵守和你的那份约定.. 没能和你走到最后..

对不起, 我以用尽了我能给你的一切,而只省无耐..

希望你能找到你渴望的幸福..

Girl with the Winged Tattoo

U're like the tattoo on me that can't be erased..
U're like the history of me that should just stay as past..
U're like the 1 book that I have read over and over again and memorized every word in any chapter..
U were my everything, and now you're nothing to me..
U're what made me cold, but it was from your coldness that I have became as such..
I used to greet you hello, but all now, all I want is to bid you goodbye..
Thank u, but now, its all too late...

Sunrise to Sunset

Where does my heart beat now?

Inspired and formed from the songs that are closest to my heart

======================

Bossanova, Jazz, spells of

Love, Passion and Sweet serenade.

But where does my heart beat now?

Is the heart aching? Yearning? Or simply dead?

Left breathless, helpless and hopeless.

Smiling like the sun but hiding under the moon.

Do you hear the heartbeat? Or are you simply listening to what sounds sweet tunes uttered to your ears?

When tears are not worth shedding but can’t stop shielding.

When liquor is used as a long term application to mask the wound, it no longer numbs.

Listless when awake, but when its time to sleep, being awake continues on the listlessness.

“Nothing’s gonna change my love for you”, is it a legacy or just a history?

The moon river that watches me, does it comforts me or amplifies the stillness?

Forever love. Is this term coupled with a promise?

Is it worth to hold on? Is it worth letting go?

Ocean deep.. Only Heaven Knows..

Dust in the wind

Dust..
Letting it go, in the wind...
Dust..
a grey area...
Dust...
My sincere thought pass through it..
Dust...
The very word which you uttered in our conversation...
Dust...
Comes strong and goes strong like a sneeze..
Dust..
You blurred my vision..
Dust...
U are not meant to be kept..
Dust..
I gotta sweep you away from my thoughts...

sneak peak at the works of a sudden inspired writer

I had a sudden urge of being a writer (for leisure) and came up with a short story..
Here's part of it...
========================
introduction:
They were engulfed in passion and love. With eyes that sparked with chemistry and desire but yet filled with jealously and pain

Love, so strong, yet so dangerous like playing with fire.

This is the sort of love that Jane and Travis had for each other. Passionate love. Uncontrollable love.


chapter title: The Argument
She called. They spoke. He started questioning her with distrust that arose from jealousy. She rebutted. He retorted in disbelief. She wept in condemnation that had no justification. Screams were heard through the phone, amplified in the room, and echoed through the apartments. He continued attacking with a debate as an armor to cover over the open wound in his heart. Such strong defense was put up that no amount of answers could be used as a seal to the wound. They carried on with a fight that could never be won and that leads to a casualty on both sides. Tears were drawn. Hurt was inflicted. Until the battle ceased with exhaustion that had drained the last words from their mouths.

I finally had the chance and time to sit down infront of my com, sip on some liqueur and listen to class 95fm love songs to chill.
maybe I've been avoiding such moments as to evade being engrossed in the atmosphere and having thoughts and gloom creep on me.
I've been having sleepless nights. Insomnia co-inhabits with me, My head has been in whirls.
tonight is yet another episode of such. The only blessing that could even come out from this unwelcoming state is, not having to think of work for the next 2 days and not having to wake up early.
Tonight, I have all my rights to suffer from insomnia.

from yesterday night to tonight, silence has sealed the chatterbox.
I do not feel like talking. I felt like being alone for the moment.
Humans are so filled with deep incomprehensible thoughts; some of which does not even make sense.
I guess I'm human. I admit I'm normal and worse off, I belong to the female gender who thinks beyond the outer space.
I felt important, special. yet misplaced and shortchanged at times. Maybe it is the inconsistency of the different placings that makes it harder to accept or for me to adapt in time.
I dunno what to say. So I chose to be silent today.
I hope this is pass soon..

kaleidoscope

Looking through a kaleidoscope...

Twinkling, sparkling, glittering, bedazzling.
Mystical is the word that spells across your mind.
In awe is the feeling the dashes across your heart.
The blending colors and the ever-changing shapes bring one away from the harsh square world into a moment of free space.

A kid yearns for a kaleidoscope to water their thirsting quest on a foreign land of possibilities.

An adult hungers for a kaleidoscope to feed their famished lost hopes.

The science behind it is an invention. The art of crafting it is simple. The thought behind it is delicate.

The joy it brings is boundless.

As I am typing this, I am being brought back to time when I was still a child and how I would always pull my dad’s hand into a games store with a few rows of kaleidoscope being placed on the rack and popping my eye into the tiny hole and bewildering at this mystifying object.

And even as an adult now, my feet tends to take a step back when I walk past a gifts store and peer in to take a glance on whether I could discover this mystical object. On the rare occasions which I manage to find a few rolls of kaleidoscope tucked in a box on shelve, I would not be afraid to tilt my eye to peer into the land of mystery and reviving my hopes even if it is for mere seconds.

Missing Amber..

I slog my guts under the white florescent lights,
but whenever i step out of office into the darkness of night,
there you are..
Waiting for my arrival at the bus-stop.
It is mutual..
U accompanied me through the bus frequency,
while I let a bus or 2 pass by so as to have more time with U..
But now, U r gone...
The cruelty of humans who dislikes Dogs have called for NEA to bring U away..
now I sit here at the bus-stop alone...
My heart turned cold on the thoughts of wad had happen/is happening to U..
My Dear Amber..

creation of song lyric inspired by Gold 90fm

flickering flames..
haunting memories..
sitting alone by the fireplace..

IT started to slide down the corner of my eyes,
and than it started to stream down without control;
these tears of mine..

IT started to build up..
came from my heart, echoed within my body,
and screamed into the vacuum surrounding;
these cries of mine..

No one hears it..
No one sees it..
No one loves it..
And I hate it..
These Desperate feelings of mine..

Flashing thoughts, maimed heart, muted love.
These Desperation of mine..

You see the smiles and the glow of laughter on my face,
because I hid those frowns and the hovering shadow.
woo oh ohh ohhhh..

You don't hear it..
You don't face it..
You don't know it..
And I hate it..
These Desperate feelings of mine..

I want to be numb from these numbing feelings that is conquering me..
Ironic it seems, Is it sunny or raining?

No, I don't know..
No, I don't wish to face it..
No, I don't wanna to stay awake
But.. I have to face it..
These Desperate feelings of mine..

A painting

splash of colors;
exciting. tempting. hard to resist.
Black and white;
despair, loneliness, blank

but how do you describe a life that is both?
I would use a picture to describe it.


this is how the picture would look like:
a river that is dyed in paints from a painter washing his painting brushes at the tip of the river and runs horizontally across the painting canvas.

above the river stands a house and its background which is brushed in various shades of grey. The grass on this side stood motionless and lifeless.

the grass on the opposite side of the river flashes green and sways freely with the movement of the wind.


This is the feeling.
when there s a clear divider that shows the drastic difference and the rightful choice of which side is better, but one can't help drawing its attention on the house that is shaded in monotone and tries to depict the reason behind it.

Sun & Moon, Double expression

Double expression..
Sun & Moon, though existing in the same equatorial but holds double characteristics.

By day, She's bright, crazy, wacky, social butterfly that chats with 101 people.
Funky, listens to R&B

By night, She's quiet.. Dull.. Lonely.. Speaks to Zero person
Romantic, listens to class 95 love songs and jazz.

3rd degree,
endless

2nd degree,
within count of number of fingers on a hands. Some lost, some gain.. Comes and goes..

1st degree,
Near but far. Close by yet away. Like a flame on a candle, sparking and diminishing on and off. Source of light and life. Will be at lost in darkness if the flame gets blown out

失眠- Insomia

失眠但沒失忆
失去但沒失踪
夜难过… 心难过…
播放机放映的不是音符而是痛心的歌词..
心痛已化为心死…
手握的冰不比心寒刺冷.
我的笑容已含在嘴里, 难以浮现.
心以筑成一道不能移动的城牆.
我失去了感觉…

Departure

I turned back and took one last glance at you.
It was foreign when i first met you.
but after so many years, you have become a part of my life, my home.
As i was lugging my last pieces of items to hail a cab to transfer it to my new home, you gave me your last smile and a sweet blessing kiss of goodbye

I saw your radiance and smile. One which i had never come across in the years i had spent in Khatib.
You bloomed with pink flower petals falling with the breeze.
I whispered a Thank you, Goodbye" under my breath.
With mixed feelings of warmth and sadness, i boarded the taxi and told the driver "Ang Mo Kio" as i departed from the estate in the trail of your falling petals.


Isn't this beautiful? this was the last moment i spent in Khatib. The street was filled with this falling pink flower petals, it was so beautiful like Sakura.

With the soft blowing wind against my hair, you brought me the kiss of life.
Subtle and with a soft radiant glow,
You bring to me, hope, dreams and a future
You bring about your Sorrow with Rain,
You bring about your Joy with a Summer Glow
You bring about your Uncertainty with Autumn Leaves
You bring about your Bitterness with the Coldness of Winter wind
Emotional you are,
But with all the moments I spend with you,
I will never ever let you go…

This is the amazing love with I hold for nature…
Everlasting, Pure, and Understanding.
Its moods and thoughts can be seen and felt…
So real it is… and that’s why I love you, Nature

woah.. this is the 1st time i compose a sad chinese love poem..

在夜里播放的爵士音乐放映着我对你的思念
…在这漫长的夜里, 你是否有想起我?
绵被给我反反复复的一举一動给捣乱了.
我心理也一偏混乱…脑海里漂浮的也只是你..
希望抛开这一切怀念, 可是却失败了…
对你的那份爱,只能让 它在夜里围绕着我,吞噬我..

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - Chris Botti

Life Journal

What do u hope to get out of life?

Some want riches, some wants security, some just wants to be loved….

Life is both a major and a minor key

It has its shares of ups and downs.

When at the peak, one is intoxicated and in ecstasy, everything seems to feel like a fairytale, everything that’s grey seems to be in colours.

When at the fall, one is punched in misery and hurt, everything seems to be like a tragic drama, everything in colours fades to grey…

Life is unpredictable no matter how well you plan it.

You meet with crossroads, decisions… uncertainties

Independent you may be, but alone you may feel.

Giving love to everything around, but seemingly not receiving it back.

To walk along the road, smiles at one and having the person to either return it with a smile lifted at the corner or simply stare at you blankly and walk off…

In such scenario, do you still continue to greet people with a smile?

Endurance gets you past a week, maybe even a month, better still a year, but is it able to get you through years of your life?

Most things in life come both ways.

Most people realize that, believe that’s how the below sayings come about

“Give and take”

“It takes both hands to clap”

“Sow and reap”

This rule applies to Friends, Colleagues, Lovers, generally relationships in whole.

Life goes on……. Like various chapters in a book which is named the Life Journal

Chapter 1 = New lease of life

Chapter 2 = Love

Chapter 3 = Hurt, disappointment, loss

Chapter 4 = Joy

Chapter 5 = Wealth

Chapter 6 = Loss of health

Chapter 6 = Loss of friends

Chapter 7 = New found hope

Chapters build on in your life Journal. It is not confined to black and white but it allows you to choose between the different shades and colours in a palette.

You may feel more of blue in certain chapters, more of pink in other, and stuck in grey for some.

What is the colour of your chapter now?

Rain Emotions

Falling with the breeze under the light meek rays of the sun,
it smiles when its drizzling and brings a glow to my face

Coming down as droplets in a regular pulse under diminishing sunlight
it saddens when it rains and flows with my mood with a tint of sorrow

Sprinkling down through the night sky, and sliding down the glass planes, it plays when it showers and relaxes my soul

Pouring down the dark clouded sky,
it rages when it storms and brings qualm to my heart

But no matter what,
I could only be filled with love for it.
It expresses my moods for me,
and it understands and experiences what I feel.
Joy, sadness, and anger

Emotions

Life.
comprises of all these feelings and expressions.

Rage, Fury, Wrath.
Anger beyond control.

Dishearten, Discourage, Dispirit.
Loss beyond hope.

Elated, Estatic, Euphoric.
happiness beyond words.

Buttery feelings that make us smile.
Bitterness that clamps our heart.
Sourness when jealousy strikes.
Confidence that makes us smirk.
And, Hurt that sheds tears.

At times when these emotions attack us,
it sucks us deep and hangs on like a leech.
We tug, and we lug, but if refuses to release.

so we.....
Burn, Blaze, set on fire
Scratch, Scrape, and rub away
Weep, Whimper, and cry if off
Slap, Smack, hit unconscious.

and try our every means to free ourselves from these emotions.